In this spotlight, we feature Julie McKay, a Haven-trained bereavement doula in Michigan and the Creative Director of Haven Bereavement Doulas.
Why did you decide to become a bereavement doula?
As a FertilityCare Practitioner helping women and couples to chart their cycles, I worked with women and couples who had experienced perinatal loss in the past or while I was teaching them. Even though I had experienced a loss myself, I knew my own experience didn’t provide me with the skills and knowledge that I needed to support my clients. Initially, I took Holding Space for Pregnancy Loss through the Institute for Birth, Breath, and Death. Then I began co-facilitating Bereaved Parents Community Group with Abby. I still felt like I needed more practical skills and knowledge to support loss parents, so I decided to become a bereavement doula.
Why did you decide to take a Haven Bereavement Doula training?
After taking the Holding Space for Pregnancy Loss training, I felt more equipped to support loss parents, but I still wanted to learn more and support loss families in different ways. I needed more practical skills and knowledge, so I decided to take the Haven Bereavement Doula training. Learning about the varied ways that bereavement doulas support loss families (physically, emotionally, spiritually and philosophically, advocationally, informationally, and socially) was particularly helpful. At this stage in my life, I am unable to do on-call work, so discovering concrete ways that I do bereavement work right now was very useful and encouraging. I am working towards becoming a Haven Certified Bereavement Doula because I want to strengthen my skills as a bereavement doula and expand my knowledge of grief work.
What does serving as a bereavement doula look like for you right now?
I am currently the Creative Director of Haven Bereavement Doulas. As the Creative Director, I create visual and written content that aligns with our mission and the Haven Bereavement Doula brand. In addition, I co-facilitate Bereaved Parents Community Group, a virtual gathering space for parents who have experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. I also write about how we can better support and serve loss families. You can find my writing at julierosemckay.com.
How else do you serve your community?
I currently serve my community as a FertilityCare Practitioner, teaching women and couples to chart their cycles. I also lead my local peer-to-peer babywearing group.
What is one thing that you like to do to take care of yourself?
I really enjoy making my own kombucha. I have to bottle it and add fresh tea every week, so it keeps me accountable to making it regularly. I find the process of bottling the kombucha and preparing the new tea soothing with its set process. In the midst of being in proximity to grief, caring for living things, whether it is a SCOBY or my cat, is a helpful self-care strategy for me. When I’m in the mood to flavor it, I enjoy the additional creative aspect. I like to sip kombucha as one of my regulating tools. The strong flavor and bubbly nature of kombucha helps me tune into my senses and my body, so I can feel more grounded.
Do you have any advice for anyone who is considering becoming a bereavement doula?
I would tell them that you don’t have to do on-call work to be a bereavement doula. Abby has a wonderful list of all of the other ways that you can be a bereavement doula. Advocacy work for loss families is needed and important work. You are no less a bereavement doula if this is the type of support you want to offer. I’d also say you don’t have to be a birth doula to become a bereavement doula. I am not birth doula and have written about my experience taking the Haven Bereavement Doula training as a non-doula if you want to learn more.