Category: Haven Doula Spotlight

In this spotlight, we feature Haven doula TaKiesha Smith in Fishers, IN. TaKiesha is the owner of NeuroSpicy Birth.

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Why did you decide to become a bereavement doula?

As a doula, you know that it’s not a matter of if you will have a loss client but when. Knowing this, I wanted to be prepared for when this happened. I wanted to be better prepared to serve my clients’ needs. In the process, I discovered that the class translates to more than loss tools. I gained a better understanding of different types of interpersonal communication. 

Why did you decide to take a Haven Bereavement Doula training?

After taking a different training, I wanted something that would give me a broader knowledge base. I wanted to feel equipped to walk alongside a loss parent comfortably and know that I can help, not harm. This course gave me those tools and so many more. It was so much more than a playbook of what to say and what not to say; it taught me to examine the why and how.  I approach loss (not just infant loss) differently now. I will be forever grateful for the things I learned in the course; I know it has made me a better doula, lactation counselor, and community advocate.

How do you bring together the work you do with neurospicy folks and your bereavement work?

The emotional reactions of loss are already difficult but add in the complexity of neurodivergence, and it exposes a gap that needs special attention to bridge the emotional divide. With advocacy, Count the Kicks is a Still Birth Prevention program; however, the reality is that Indiana is the tenth in the nation for infant mortality. Until we improve as a nation at saving babies, my work at CTK with spreading awareness through our app is needed. 

What does serving as a bereavement doula look like for you right now?

It is a tool I am using now more than I thought I would. I am working in a local hospital with a large population that currently has a high infant mortality rate. So, my clients may not be going through a loss at the moment, but they still carry the emotional scars of that loss with them. Using the tools I learned in training, I can meet them where they are, interact with empathy and openness, and walk away knowing that I did the best I could do for that family, 

How else do you serve your community?

I am the current Indiana State Ambassador for Count the Kicks, a stillbirth prevention program. I am also the communications chair for the Indiana Breast Feeding Coalition, a not-for-profit organization that promotes breastfeeding awareness and education in Indiana.  

What is one thing that you like to do to take care of yourself?

I am a huge reader. I read every night before bed. It is my way of escaping somewhere different or experiencing a new adventure.  

Do you have any advice for anyone considering becoming a bereavement doula?

It is not scary. Elyse Meyers says, “to do it scared,” I have adopted that in my life practice. But honestly, the idea of learning how to work with someone who has suffered a loss seems scary. In reality, they are just another population that needs care. Learning the skills to help them emotionally get through is a gift you can give someone during a tough time. 

Why did you decide to become a bereavement doula?

Being a birth doula, I will admit that I didn’t think that I would be faced with a baby born sleeping at all, let alone so quickly in my career. Although of course no one is prepared for this, it happens. Although I feel I handled that birth as best as I could, I feel as though if I had more training, I could have done something different, said something better, and feel more confident about what happened. Because of how I handled that birth, I realized there was more in me than I realized, and there was a calling for me to be in this space. 

Why did you decide to take a Haven Bereavement Doula training or become an HCBD Haven Certified Bereavement Doula?

I met Abby through her coming to speak at birth doula training. I was so intrigued by her bravery to do this work, her heart to serve, and compassion behind how she speaks about this beautiful work. She spoke so highly of being a bereavement doula and how she supports clients, I really felt training under her would be the best decision for me.

Although I have yet to certify, I plan to. 

What does serving as a bereavement doula look like for you right now?

Support. Simply put. No one wants to ever think of being in the position to have a bereavement doula; however, the fact remains that there will always be babies born sleeping. I just want to be equipped to support clients in this delicate space. 

How else do you serve your community? 

I am a childbirth educator, I am also a Community Based Doula Trainer.

What is one thing that you like to do to take care of yourself? 

Massage! It is a MUST. I also enjoy reading in my big sweat pants and just relaxing. 

Do you have any advice for anyone who is considering becoming a bereavement doula? (Maybe especially if they’re already a live birth doula like you were before taking the training) 

I think every doula should consider not necessarily becoming a bereavement doula; however, they should consider being bereavement trained. Yes, we want babies to be born healthy, but that is not always the case. As we know, there may never be a reason why a baby is born sleeping, but doulas should always be prepared. If they see that they do handle the situation with “ease” and care, maybe they should consider adding bereavement as something they do take on. It is not easy, but it’s NEEDED.  

To learn more about Erica and her work, you can visit her website at Labor of Love: Doula Care. Birth Doula in Columbus, Ohio (laboroflovedoulacare.com).

In this spotlight, we feature Br. Bobby McFadden, Haven-trained bereavement doula in South Bend, Indiana.

Br. Bobby, why did you decide to become a bereavement doula?

I decided to become a bereavement doula, because I wanted to accompany those who experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. Before becoming a bereavement doula, I had worked with some families who had experienced these trials. While I was able to accompany them, I knew that I needed skills to become better grief-informed.

I also have felt that this has been a big part of my vocation. We are all called to provide the hope of God’s unconditional love to others. Before becoming a bereavement doula, I was already living out this call by serving graduate students as a chaplain and many students as a college professor. I believe that God has called me to accompany others who experience such loss.

Why did you decide to take a Haven Bereavement Doula training? 

I decided to become a Haven Bereavement Doula because I wanted to be trained and to be certified in a holistic way. Through my Haven Bereavement Doula training, I was able to explore how I can accompany loss families physically, emotionally, spiritually, and philosophically.  Haven Bereavement Doulas are meant to be a beacon of hope and a sanctuary for loss families, where they can experience healing and love during a very difficult time for them. I want to be this source of hope for loss families, and I know that as a Haven Bereavement Doula, I could receive such training in order to be a source of hope. 

What does serving as a bereavement doula look like for you right now?

Currently, I am serving as a bereavement doula in three ways.

First, I accompany students who may be experiencing loss at the University of Notre Dame.

Second, I try to help my students to become more grief-informed both in terms of my advising and my role as advisor in the Saints for Life club at Holy Cross College.

Third, I am currently researching what the Catholic Intellectual Tradition says about the accompaniment of loss families. In particular, I am exploring St. Augustine and the relationship which he had with his family, and how he dealt with the loss of his son. In my academic work, I to explore his notion of hope and the unconditional love of Christ to think about how we as ministers and doulas might better experience the love of Christ in times of grief.

How else do you serve your community? 

I serve my community in two other ways.

First, I am a professor of theology and literature at Holy Cross College. I teach courses on literature, theology, and writing. In my teaching, I try to help my students to explore those enduring human questions which tug at our human heart and mind. I wish my students to see the value of the intellectual life and develop a philosophical habit of mind, where students can view all aspects of a question and work toward finding the Truth. In the words of Basil Moreau, I hope to bring students to completeness, since we are about the work of the Resurrection.

Second, I am a chaplain for graduate students, professional students, and post-docs at the University of Notre Dame. I help to coordinate Mass for these students and other opportunities for prayer and fellowship. I accompany these students in whatever way they can by serving as a spiritual and mental resource.

What is one thing that you like to do to take care of yourself?

One thing that I look to do to take care of myself is to read! I like to read theology, philosophy, sci/fantasy novels, British literature, Catholic novelists, and Southern literature. Although I am a scholar and I do reading in my day job, I think that it is really important to make sure that we attend to all aspects of our being. This includes not only being connected to our reason, but also our imaginations. I love entering worlds which are not my own, and joining with others on all sorts of adventures! When I read a good theological work, a philosophical treatise, or novel, I am entering into conversations with others. This makes me feel very connected to others, and I find it very relaxing!

Do you have any advice for anyone who is considering becoming a bereavement doula? (perhaps especially men, clergy, etc.) 

Although my advice would apply to anyone who is considering becoming a bereavement doula, I think that this especially applies to men and clergy/religious. When I became a bereavement doula, I received a sticker which read “listening is an act of beauty and an act of justice.” I liked this phrase, because I think that doulas who are men and clergy/religious must remember that they possess this one skill above all else: listening.

Bereavement doulas will encounter in their ministry real human beings who have their own story of grief to tell. As men and clergy/religious, we must remain humble and remember that we cannot do not everything. In particular, we will often be called to walk with women who are experiencing loss, and we must be willing to provide them particularly the space to tell their stories, since they are experiencing their loss from their own unique vantage point. There is a lot of mistrust of men and clergy/religious in this world, and some of this has been unfortunately rightly earned. In order to counter this and bring the hope of Christ’s unconditional love to loss families, there is nothing more just and nothing more beautiful than providing someone a sanctuary by giving them the space to speak about their loss by listening.

We all want to know that we are loved and we want to be loved. We want those whom we lose to be seen and to be loved as well. As bereavement doulas, we can offer this simple human gift to loss families by remaining humble and justly serving them by helping to give them a voice to speak.  

We thank Br. Bobby for his reflection and his work!

For more information about becoming a bereavement doula, check out our guide here.