Category: Grief resources

These blog posts provide resources on grief.

Why you should add an NFP or FABM instructor to your resource list

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As bereavement doulas, one of the ways we support families is through connecting them to grief-informed care providers, of many kinds! Today’s blog post is part of our ongoing effort at Haven to help you strengthen your resource list – that collection of care providers that you have on hand and ready for the moment a family needs it. Read on to learn from fertility expert and Haven doula Julie McKay why we should add an NFP/FABM instructor to that resource list. 

First, what is NFP? What is FABM?

NFP stands for Natural Family Planning. FABM stands for Fertility-Awareness Based Method. These methods involve charting signs of fertility (such as basal body temperatures, cervical mucus observations, LH strips, etc.). There are many different methods such as Marquette, Creighton, FEMM, Billings, Couple to Couple League, and more. Some of them prefer the term NFP and some prefer the term FABM or FAM. These methods have different ways of determining what times of a woman’s cycle are fertile or infertile.

Couples using these methods can choose to try to avoid or achieve pregnancy at any given time. If they are trying to avoid pregnancy, they only select days of infertility for intercourse. If they are trying to achieve pregnancy, they can select any day for intercourse but may want to focus on the days around the time of ovulation.

This article debunks some common myths surrounding NFP/FABM. Couples may choose to use NFP/FABM methods for religious reasons, while others may choose to use them to avoid the side effects of birth control.

Bereavement doulas may not realize that NFP/FABM instructors can be invaluable resources, and NFP/FABM instructors often do not realize that bereavement doulas may be crucial additions to their own resource lists. In this blog post, I’ll walk you through why adding NFP/FABM instructors to your bereavement doula resource list is such a helpful idea. 

Networking

When you network with NFP/FABM instructors in your area or who offer virtual support, you can exchange knowledge and expertise. You can share your knowledge as a grief worker, and they can share their knowledge of fertility. Knowing about the general patterns (keep in mind that there is a wide range of normal) for the return of fertility after a loss will help you share that knowledge with your clients. Then they can know when they might expect ovulation to return after a loss (it can be before their first period!). 

In addition, families who have experienced loss may want to connect with someone who can help them learn about their fertility and hormone levels. This is exactly what NFP/FABM instructors are trained to do! So many people are not given basic information about fertility, so working with an instructor can help them know about fertility in general as well as their specific cycles. 

Couples who already use NFP/FABMs may be more likely to seek out bereavement support. Because they are aware of the approximate time of ovulation, many NFP/FABM users take pregnancy tests earlier than their missed period, as early as 8 days after ovulation. Therefore, they may know about very early losses that others may not. If you are aware of the basics of NFP/FABM methods, you can better understand the individual situations and contexts of clients who come to you for support after those losses. 

Some families already use NFP/FABMs and may be looking for a grief-informed instructor. Unfortunately, some loss families have negative experiences with their instructors using hurtful language or making harmful assumptions around their losses or their grief. These families may still want to use NFP or FABMs, but they may be looking for a new instructor who is more attentive to their needs. By adding not only instructors but also specifically grief-informed instructors to your resource list, you can help those families broaden their care team and set themselves up for having a supported next chapter of their fertility journey. 

Once you find NFP/FABM instructors to add to your resource list, we have one simple way that you can invite them to become more grief-informed. We have created a new Haven course, How to Respond to Pregnancy Loss as an NFP/FABM Instructor. In this course, we discuss how instructors can compassionately support their clients who have had a loss in the past or experience a loss while charting under their guidance.

In honor of NFP week (July 20th-26th), we are offering a $5 coupon, code NFPAwareness2025, to anyone who purchases the course by July 26, 2025.

In addition to the coupon code, we are going to gift this course to one instructor. From now until the end of NFP Awareness week on July 26, 2025, you can nominate NFP/FABM instructor(s) by emailing them about the new course (just copy julierosemckay@gmail.com on the email!). We will randomly choose one instructor to receive free access to the course. And, as a sign of our gratitude for your nomination, we will send the nominator of the chosen instructor a small thank you gift. If the instructor chosen for the gift has already purchased the course, we will refund the cost of the course as well as send them an additional thank you gift in the mail. 

If you are an NFP/FABM instructor and would like to nominate yourself for the free course, share the course with another instructor you know, copy us on that email, and send us a separate email indicating that you would like to nominate yourself.

Thank you for the work that you do to support families who are grieving and to make your community more grief-informed. 

Photo by Dony Wardhana on Unsplash

How to find a burial vessel for your little one

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When a little one needs a burial vessel, you might not realize that you have options.*

*Keep in mind that you may be required by certain burial places (a cemetery, for example) to have certain kinds of vessels. But generally, you will have some level of choice in this decision.

The first is a casket, which is a rectangular box designed to hold a body.

The second is a coffin, which is a box (also designed to hold a body) that is tapered to be wider around the shoulders than around the head or feet. It’s far less common, in my experience, to find a coffin the appropriate size for an embryo, fetus, or even infant because these little ones are so small. You can find coffins, but you may find more caskets.

There are many situations when families may not find a casket or coffin to fit their needs or desires. Maybe all the caskets are too big, or maybe the boxes available don’t match the families’ hopes for aesthetics. In those cases, here are seven alternatives:

  1. Use an urn (for cremated or uncremated remains, either way). A local funeral home may be particularly helpful to you here. Urns come in many sizes, with some specifically made for small bodies. You can see some of the variety of options for urns, especially for very early losses, here.
  2. Use a jewelry box. You can find beautiful pieces on maker sites such as Etsy or from local artisans.
  3. Use a rosary box. These small, often circular vessels aren’t just reserved for Catholics. They can be the perfect size for an embryo’s remains especially. They are also easily personalized (such as this rosary box, which can be specifically hand-painted for loss families).
  4. Use a shroud made of a fabric bag (often cotton or hemp). You can find beautiful small bags made by local craftspeople, or you may even be able to make one yourself.
  5. Use a shroud made simply of a special fabric or several layers of fabric. I have suggested to some families that each member of the family pick out a special fabric on a trip to a local craft supply store and create a whole-family shroud from the different fabrics. You might also find a single fabric that mirrors your family values or presents a beauty you’re drawn to.
  6. Use a shroud made of a special fabric — perhaps a wedding veil or a piece of a family quilt.
  7. Use a shroud made of a baby blanket. You can request a free baby blanket from many organizations that serve loss families, such as this U.S.-based one.

You can also combine these burial vessel ideas in a way that is particularly meaningful or helpful to you.

If you know of a particular artisan or maker who creates beautiful vessels, please share their info in the comments section below.

Photo by Pedro Forester Da Silva on Unsplash

Six things to consider when adding a therapist to your bereavement resource list

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Mental health therapists are an important part of any bereavement resource list, and Haven Certified Bereavement Doulas are required to find a few as part of their certification process. Here are six things you should think about when finding therapists to add to your list.

  1. Where are they licensed? Therapists are often licensed to practice in particular states or countries and may not be available to serve clients in other areas. Be sure to consider this, especially if you live near a border! (For example, I live in Missouri just ten minutes from Illinois, so it helps my local clients to have options of licensed therapists in either or both states.)
  2. What payment options do they have? Perhaps they take insurance; it would be good to know which insurance plans they typically take. Maybe they are private pay only; that’s important to communicate to your clients. It might be that they are open to bartering or forms of delayed payment; try to ascertain as much of that information as you can when adding them to your resource list.
  3. Do they specialize in perinatal loss or in grief more broadly? It’s rare to find a therapist (let alone therapists, plural) who specialize specifically in perinatal loss. It’s amazing if you can find options. But, keep in mind that therapists who specialize in grief, body image, relationships, and family dynamics may all be helpful to your future clients. Doing a bit of digging to find someone who really cares about the challenge your client is facing can help set up a successful match.
  4. What is their background? Some clients will feel more comfortable with therapists who have a particular background — for example, a woman as opposed to a man, or a person of color compared to a white person, etc. Clients may even look for therapists who share their religious perspective, take a certain approach to therapy, or have had certain experiences (such as perinatal loss). Having diversity in what kinds of therapists are represented on your resource list can help your client find a therapist they are most likely to be comfortable with.
  5. Are they taking clients? Not all therapists have availability all the time! It can help to check periodically with the folks on your list and see if they are at or below capacity. That way, you get your clients to people who can actually support them rather than people who just keep saying that they’re fully booked.
  6. When or how are they taking appointments? Some people really want to see their therapist in person, while others prefer the flexibility of telehealth. Similarly, some folks will only be available outside of traditional business hours, while others may find a session between 9am and 5pm to be most convenient. Having therapists with multiple options on your list will be helpful in ensuring your client can actually create a sustainable practice of attending therapy appointments.

Do you have any other recommendations for what to consider when adding mental health therapists to your bereavement resource list? If so, comment below!

Photo by Fa Barboza on Unsplash

U.S. Hotlines and Warmlines for Emotional First Aid

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When you’re administering emotional first aid, one key component of your preparation is having resources ready should a client need them. Here are some resources you may need if you’re administering emotional first aid to a client who has experienced a loss.

GEOGRAPHIC NOTE: These resources are primarily focused on serving the United States. If you’d like to contribute additional resources that primarily serve other areas, reach out to us at abbythesociologistdoula@gmail.com. Abby would love to pay you to put together a blog post specifically for your area.

Emergency resources:

  1. 988 Lifeline (suicide & crisis lifeline): call 988, text, or chat via website anytime for immediate support. There are videophone resources available for folks who are Deaf/HoH, and there are Spanish and English speakers available. 988 Lifeline – If you need emotional support, reach out to the national mental health hotline: 988.
  2. 911 or your emergency services: call anytime (or, if available in your area, text) and give the address and information of the person who is at risk. Remember that police or fire departments may respond.
  3. Crisis Textline: text HOME to 741741 anytime to be connected to a trained volunteer. Crisis Text Line | Text HOME to 741741 Free, 24/7 Mental Health Support

For when something isn’t an emergency, but someone needs more help:

  1. National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: serves pregnant and postpartum moms via text or call anytime. While volunteers speak English and Spanish, they also have translators available for 60 additional languages. National Maternal Mental Health Hotline | MCHB
  2. Postpartum Support International Warmline: a perinatal-focused warmline that provides services in both English and Spanish. I appreciate that their volunteers are also trained to talk to bereaved families particularly. PSI HelpLine (English & Spanish) | Postpartum Support International (PSI)
  3. National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline: a resource line available Monday through Friday via call, text, or email to help find mental health resources. They also have a line specifically dedicated to teens and young adults helping their peers. NAMI HelpLine | NAMI
Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash

The 2025 Haven Book Clubs

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The 2025 Haven Book Club meetings are CURRENTLY ON SALE!

Get three book clubs for the price of two!

If you love to learn, to read, and/or to discuss tough topics with thoughtful people,

this book club is for you.

You do not need to be a bereavement doula to join. Everyone is welcome to join in these warm, heartfelt, engaging discussions on books about grief.

These meetings take place via Zoom on Wednesday nights from 7pm-8:15pm Central.

We will be reading the following books next year:

March: A Catholic Guide to Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss: Compassionate answers to difficult questions (with private author q&a)
June: The Grieving Brain: the surprising science of how we learn from love and loss
November: selections from What God is Honored Here? Writings on miscarriage and infant loss by and for Native women and Women of Color (with private editor q&a)

Book clubs cost $15 each. But, in honor of Small Business Saturday, you can purchase entry to all three book clubs of 2025 for the cost of just two of them.

Sign up here!

Deal ends December 7.

The HCBD Haven Certified Bereavement Doula Reading List

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Like many other doula certification programs, ours has a reading list. We provide it here so that everyone who is looking for resources on bereavement support can engage with them, whether you’re currently part of our program or not!

Find this list at the St. Louis Public Library here.

Category 1: Birth Education

HCBD Haven Certified Bereavement Doula candidates read The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin. Candidates who have already read The Birth Partner are encouraged to revisit it, through re-reading or through skimming, and consider how the material can be reinterpreted specifically for bereavement births.

Category 2: Grief Education

HCBD Haven Certified Bereavement Doula candidates read Counseling Skills for Companioning the Mourner by Dr. Alan Wolfelt.

Category 3: Cultural Competency – Race

HCBD Haven Certified Bereavement Doula candidates read What God is Honored Here? Writings on Miscarriage and Infant Loss by and for Native Women and Women of Color, an anthology edited by Shannon Gibney and Kao Kalia Yang.

Category 4: Cultural Competency – Spirituality

HCBD Haven Certified Bereavement Doula candidates choose one of the following books to read for certification:

Category 5: History of Birth/Loss Support

HCBD Haven Certified Bereavement Doula candidates read a book specific to the history of loss in their current context (i.e., most U.S.-based candidates read The Myth of the Perfect Pregnancy: A History of Miscarriage in America by Lara Freidenfelds).

Category 6: Children’s Books

Children’s books can be powerful tools, both for children and adults. HCBD Haven Certified Bereavement Doula candidates choose any two of these children’s books to review.

Category 7: Business Strategy and Ethics

HCBD Haven Certified Bereavement Doula candidates read “The Bereavement Doula’s Business Manual” by Dr. Abby Jorgensen. This is available to candidates at no extra cost.

Free resource for clients: Bereaved Parents Community Group

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Did you know that there is a free virtual community group that meets monthly, just for parents who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss?

Every loss parent is warmly and gently invited to join us as we gather for solidarity, ideas-sharing, and presence.

This group is facilitated by Julie McKay and Dr. Abby Jorgensen. We meet on Zoom on the second Monday of each month, at 7pm Central / 8pm Eastern. You can learn more about the group or send your clients to learn more about the group here.

Loss parents, you’re not alone.

Learn more about BPCG

A database of children’s books about grief and loss

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When children experience a loss, finding ways to help them understand and cope is a crucial part of the grieving process for families. This is where the power of reading comes in. But, there are many, many children’s books about grief, death, and even perinatal loss. No need to find them all; we’ve reviewed them for you.

We carefully curate our database of children’s books to help you find beautifully written and illustrated stories that will help your family discuss difficult topics of grief, death, and perinatal loss. We have evaluated each listed book on its ability to assist bereaved families (especially older siblings and other children) by offering empathic, accurate, and gentle guidance.

The database includes detailed reviews, ratings, and a description of the content and tone—including note of spiritual or religious perspectives. This information helps parents, bereavement doulas, and other support people quickly find the books that are most likely to help them navigate difficult conversations. Thus, our comprehensive guide stands as your supportive companion through the process of finding the children’s book that best fits your situation and your loved ones or clients.

Access the database here

What does it mean to be grief-informed?

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“Grief-informed” is a term I use to capture two key elements of
someone’s approach toward other people.

(1) This person anticipates that every person in her or his care may have a history of grief and loss.

(2) This person chooses to speak and act in a way that reflects that possibility of grief and loss.

It can also be applied to an organization’s or group’s approach.

Being grief-informed may require a dramatic overhaul for many of us, as society has taught us to ignore, hide, or shy away from conversations about death (especially the death of a child and prenatal death). And at Haven Bereavement Doulas, we are committed to working together to continue that dramatic overhaul, for ourselves and for our communities.

To cite this page, please reference:

Jorgensen, Abigail. “What does it mean to be grief-informed?”. Bereavement Doulas (blog). January 12, 2024.